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Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Ingatan yang rindukan kematian



Ada kalanya, ingatan itu memerlukan mati.
Ada kalanya,
memori itu perlu dibuang jauh-jauh,
Sejauh galaksi paling hujung, di hujung cakrawala alam milik Ilahi ini,
Dimana perkiraan masa bagaikan terhenti tanpa makna apa-apa,
dek jauhnya perjalanan kecepatan selaju cahaya.

Ada ingatan yang manis;
Ada jua yang tak kurang pahitnya,
Tahun demi tahun telah berlalu, kuharapkan ingatan itu akan pergi selamanya, tidak kembali lagi.
Terpaksa ku terima, tanpa ada pilihan dan ku pendamkan dilubuk hati ini.
Aku ini hanya manusia biasa yang lemah : penuh emosi.
Punya cita-cita, impian dan harapan, ada rindu, ada cinta, ada sayang, penuh kasih.
Sabar... hati ini perlu terus sabar,
menerima kenyataan dalam menempuh dugaan hidup.


La Tahzan menjadi penasihat peribadi ku,
Syukur, ESQ165 jua banyak membantu.

Wajah siapakah yang sebenar-benarnya kau rindui,
Senyuman dan nasihat siapa yang kau harapkan.
Semua itu sebenarnya dariMu,
Ampunkan aku Ya Allah..

Hamba mu ini dianugerahi ingatan luar biasa,
perkara berdekad lama bagai baru berlalu sebentar tadi.

Dengannya aku berasa amat berdosa padaMu.

Walau ku terima takdirMu, ingatan ini masih ada. Tidak bisa pergi.

Hambamu yang lemah ini, pohon ditarik memori ingatan ku ini.
Aku yang hina ini ingin jadi manusia biasa.
Telahpun ku buang jauh-jauh segala "title" yang ada,
Aku kini hanya muka tanpa nama,
Sesungguhnya, sifat lupa adalah rahmat dari Mu jua.

Syukurku hanya pada Mu.


zaws
Shah Alam





5 comments:

Anonymous said...

sorry for what u had been thru

Anonymous said...

abg zaws, this posting ( I guess) must be about the "other" family that you once "had"... but now cannot visit etc. sabar bro... your chance to pay a visit to that makcik will eventually come.

You really want to wait until she has departed from this world? I thought you badly wanted to give her a copy of the excellent Tafsir AlQuran? Hang in there man.. you are truely penyayamg & setia..

Superstage said...

Thank you all. I don't know what or how to respond to your comments.. hangpa semua komen anonymous... the second commentator.. do I know you??

Anyway, like I promised the makcik, yg baik yg buruk saya terima kerana ianya dtg dari Allah. It is just that ingatan mengenainya masih ada seolah-olah baru semalam. Lots to say lots to write but I am reduced to can only write - a blank email. Nak dtg menjenguk or telefon bertanyakan khabar.. to me nyusahkan org je.. and applying the principle of Shad Al-Zarai', not to cause any harm, my silence is golden although it may bring sadness.

Pray that I am strong enough to bring this matter to my grave.

Anonymous said...

abg zaws, that makcik if it is the one, now lives with her daughter in putrajaya, looking after her grand daughter. Sometimes she is at her other children's house which are all in Klang Valley, except for the one who is in Australia. I think she is going there to visit them sometimes this year. i think it wont do any harm to her if u want to give her that kitab. she would be very pleased but i dont know if it might do any harm to other person in your life.

Superstage said...

Dear good samaritan Mr/Ms Anonymous,

No idea who you are and got no clue how on earth that did you get to know all these information.

On second thought.. okay, I don't need to know, I am practically a nobody in that family. All I wish to do is to send the item to the makcik, preferably, without her knowing its from me.

The makcik & arwah pakcik was very supportive during my final exams and I still follow arwah pakcik's sugestion, sebulan at least sekali, I'll do something (anything that is permissible) for somebody free of charge from pro bono legal work to all sorts of problem solving. (I an now trying to reconcile a husband & wife crisis, seems that in this case, divorce is imminent). Bila tolong dah buat sebaik mungkin, I will be much happier person.

For what its worth, I thank you.